"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for."  ~ Anonymous 

Well, you're here.  You made it through 9 months of pregnancy and finally labour.  It doesn't matter how your baby came into this world, she's here and she's beautiful, wonderful and a LOT of hard work.  The entire world as you know it has changed in both intensely wonderful and horribly terrifying ways.  Breastfeeding is NOT what it was made out to be, you nipples are cracked, scabbed and bleeding.  OR it just wasn't meant to be and you are up in the night warming bottles.  There is guilt in nearly EVERYTHING you do, every choice you make....and worst of all, EVERYONE seems to know (or think they do) more than you.  Every time you turn around there is someone offering you advice, and I'm sure they mean well most of the time.

Well I'm here to tell you to STOP!  Just breathe mama!!

I've had quite the influx of first time parents to the studio lately, and am reminded of when I was a new parent as well.  I just remember feeling like nothing I did was right.  I was told what to do, not do, what habits would form, what habit forming behaviours to avoid, until I just didn't know up from down.  Well what if I told you its all BS?!  What if I told you that you have those instincts, and your baby has the instincts that you both need to be healthy and happy even if sometimes you feel like you are in WAY over your head?

The first thing I am going to say is that I am in no way an expert.  But I have experience as a mom, and as someone who has worked with HUNDREDS of brand new babies and parents.  And I see all kinds of trends.  

Trend #1:  Soothers cause nipple confusion.

FALSE!  While I can certainly see the reason you would not want your baby to form the soother habit (I personally broke 2 of 3 of my babies from that addiction), I want to remind you that babies NEED to suck.  Babies sooth and calm themselves by sucking on whatever they can...a hand, a breast, a soother...whatever.  It is relaxing, calming and for many babies a "habit" that was formed before they ever saw the light of day.  Whether you offer them a pacifier or not, they will find a way to suck.  So I always say its your choice, but keep in mind, it could well come down to taking away a pacifier or breaking them of a thumb sucking habit.  Do NOT feel bad, or scared to give you baby a soother.

Trend #2: Rocking/holding baby while they sleep spoils them.

FALSE!!  Mama!!  Please don't put that baby down.  Give her all the love you have as often as you want, as often as she wants, and don't EVER let anyone tell you not to.  Remember you are bonding with your baby, and keeping her safe and happy.  A newborn baby's whole worlds is based on touch.  I mean think about it, they can barely see, they don't understand most sounds (plus have come from a very noisy womb into a piercingly quiet world) and they're used to an almost weightless environment where they are kept WARM and TIGHT!  HOLD that baby.  That is your INSTINCT as a mother! That is your way of learning your baby's cues, cries, movements and needs.  She is teaching you as much as you are teaching her.  Don't leave her alone if you don't want to.

Trend #3: Breast is best.

FALSE!!  Fed is best.  Breastfeeding is so hard, and some of us (me included) just aren't cut out for it.  DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!  You are still feeding your baby and providing her with everything she needs to grow and thrive.  In fact koodos to you for making a tough decision and for making the best of it.  2 out of 3 of my babies just never seemed to be able to fill up completely and did not thrive until I gave them formula. The other I couldn't get off my boob. ;)  Either way, you are a wonderful mother, and you will have a happy, healthy baby.  Don't torture yourself.

Trend #4: Mom with 4 babies knows more than me.

FALSE!  Your baby is different than every other baby that has ever been or ever will be again.  Sure there are certain reflexes, instincts and communications that babies use that are the same across the line.  But you KNOW your baby best.  You've held your baby under your heart and now in your arms, and YOU know what she needs.  Just because someone has "been there done that" doesn't mean that they are a better mom.  Your baby wants to communicate with you, wants to be soothed by you and will tell you what she needs.  There are just things that they need their own mama for.

Now I am not saying to never ever listen to anyone's advice, I am only saying that you HAVE the instincts there mama!  YOU CAN DO THIS!  Not all advice is bad, in fact sometimes as a new mom, we DESPERATELY need someone to help!  And that's ok.  But you can also stand up to unsolicited advice givers and just say, "who asked you?" ;) Or, you know, be nicer if you want.  My wish for every new mom is that she has a corner of cheerleaders to remind her that she is an amazing new creation, just like the brand new baby in her arms.  Your role as a mother was born the same moment your little one was delivered.  Together you and her will take on the world!  Believe in yourself mama!  You are one amazing creation!

Holly <3